Happy Friday!

Last night I got myself in bed by about 10:15. I’ve been pretty exhausted all week… I went and did a short run last night and then was so wiped out I just crashed. It was worth it because I was able to wake up this morning and run again! Running in the morning is a lot harder than running at night… I’m tired, my body’s groggy and mentally I’m not into it. So I’ve decided to run twice a day as my “two-a-day” plan. I read in Women’s Health that running at a consistent speed and resistance is key to optimizing fat burn. While other places all agree that running while constantly changing the intensity levels is key to weight loss… SO… morning 20 minute run at a consistent speed for fat burn…. evening intensity run 20 minutes!

I’ve also decided to create a “eating wall chart” as I’m calling it. Basically a big sheet of paper… Sun - Mon week with 6 slots per day. Then I’m going to come up with a bunch of good breakfast meals, snacks, lunches and dinners. Write those on post-its and then plan out my week. This is key to dieting because I get sick of eating the same thing over and over. I also get sick of eating diet foods and I end up binging and over eating because I feel like I want REAL food. Or WARM COOKED food… so I think this is good. Plan my weeks out on Sats maybe and grocery shop on Suns.

Last night M and I got some Chinese food and my little cookie fortune read:

You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands on.

It got me thinking about what’s been wrong with me lately. I’m so happy that my creative juices are flowing again… while they’re not rushing through me like they used to, they’re at least back. But I am struggling with DOING. I get a great idea or decide I want to do something and I begin to second guess myself. “Who would like that? Do you really think that’s a good idea? It’s sure going to be a lot of work for someone with no time? You can’t do it.” I am constantly cutting myself down. You can’t be successful in creative ideas and ventures without the ability to take the risks involved.

So it’s something I need to work on.

I’ve also been struggling with feeling like I’m a failure. All self-imposed… I’ve always been ahead of the game. I was the only STUDENT working full time and kicking ass at a design firm. I was the first to graduate, top of my class… I graduated high school early… I did all these grown up things like buy my own home and my own brand new car. I was starting my own business. And now? I’ve been on hold since the breakup with the ex. My life turned upside down. Suddenly, buying a house was a pretty stupid thing… I started hopping jobs in hopes of finding a “good one”… but only finding my creative abilities diminishing. And now, having ideas again… I can’t DO them.

It’s a nasty cycle… first I realize, I’m not doing anything worthwhile with my life right now. Then I start to work on a project that I’d LOVE to get going, only to get cut down by the second guessing.

Uuuugh. This is all therapy work I believe?