The side blog lives!

I’ve put up a coulple things over on the side blog now… go check it out!
And be assured it’s back on for daily creations.

Final Showdown

This morning I saw the ex for the first time in a year and a half… and hopefully the last time in my life. It’s sad, to spend a quarter of my life with someone and not be able to civilly end the relationship and remain friends.

The arbitration was very smooth, very informal, and went very well. I was very nervous when we left my lawyers office to head over… I wasn’t positive why. I already knew that I had moved far past the emotional side of the breakup, I was no longer angry at him for what he did. It was more… I tend to get very soft spoken and shy in uncomfortable situations nervousness. I did wonderfully. Upon stepping into the office where the arbitration would take place… I was calm and collected. Not a drop of nervousness. I was relieved, it was finally here. One thing I’ve managed to overcome over this time is the shyness. I spoke loud and clear. I didn’t say any “I think” or “probably.” When being questioned I had no issues… there was no reason for issues because I had nothing to hide. No lies. The ex however, wavered in his statements, contradicted himself and answered questions with defensive questions. We’ll hear the judgment next week sometime.

I can finally finally FINALLY forget this. I don’t hate him… I feel bad for his hurting, I never wanted to hurt him but at the same time I could never be friends or be in contact with someone who would screw me over like that… and now I don’t. Either way… win or lose, it’s DONE!!!

So let’s move on.

Tomorrow I’m back on track. Today I’ll hit the gym… but I feel like I need a good day off of life to recoup from the stresses. I feel great. Just fat But we’ll get back on that tomorrow…

Last night M and I had a good talk. I have an odd way of looking at the world. I wouldn’t say it’s bad, but it’s not typical. M was (and has many times) talking about some reasons he broke up with his exes… sometimes he’ll say things like “she had migraines and I was like, do I really want to be with a sick person who can’t enjoy weekends?” I don’t think that way, AT ALL. M is a man. M is typical in his thinking and comparing to other people. I don’t do it at all. I do not look at someone and say hmmm… he’s going to be bald in 10, 15 years… do I want to be with a bald person? So to hear M say things, even though he’s saying them lightly or jokingly… even though “at the core the relationship wouldn’t have worked” I start to wonder if I can be comfortable in the relationship. Someday my ass will sag and my hair will be white. Someday I could be in a wheelchair… and is he going to be sitting there thinking shit… now I’m stuck with saggy ass mcgee in her wheelchair when that hot chick at the bar was hitting on me. What did I pass up!?

M assured my crazy little mind that with me, it’s different. That with me, it’s right. He’s supposed to be with me. He will always love me no matter what… he’s never told someone he loved them unless saying it back. He wants to spend forever with me and he’s never felt that before. He promised to continue to assure me of his love… and my little mind and heart melted.

While sometimes I think about this “project” I’m doing… this changing by 24, and I worry that I’ve spent 6 months and gotten no where. Granted, I haven’t made huge strides in a lot of areas… but I am realizing my accomplishments. M and I are doing so much better. I have some good friends coming into my life recently and things are back on track with my dad and I. Money is steady and to a point I think I can start saving and planning and such. I have a great job for my life needs… I’m creating again! I made (sewed any everything) two notebooks for my sister’s birthday! I’ll be updating the side blog again.

Yay!