Feeling Worthless…

but about to go out for some excellent Mexican food! Which is my reward for eating good all day and not binging on popcorn and ice cream when I got home from work. Yay.

So back to the worthlessness… I just got up off the couch to blog. I spent a good hour there. Just feeling bleh. I wrote the post the other day about needing to finish something… anything. How I feel like I need to do that now… it needs to be a priority. Just choose something and get it done. I feel like I need to know I can finish things or else I just feel like I’m spinning my wheels… going nowhere… wasting space. Well over at Original Impulse… a new e-book came out on that very subject! So, yes, I bought it, even though my funds are limited because I need to do this. I need to finish SOMETHING.

So I’m reading down through it… partly thinking $10 for this 35 page doc? and partly thinking how much I hope something in this thing works. She talks about the importance of finishing… which I agree. Then I get to the part about choosing something to work on. Choosing the first project to complete. I just can’t seem to do that. I can list out all my projects… filter through to the ones I want to do now…. the ones that can wait… but there are so many I want to do RIGHT NOW. The frustration cycle continues… I’ll just pick one. But then I think about what I have to do and I think do I really want to that first? Maybe I’d rather do this first… no. Maybe that. I can’t decide… I am missing the plugin that allows me to choose one.

So I retired, defeated, to the couch to ponder the point of my existence.

Then I started thinking about all the uncertainties and frustrations. The expectations and the pressure. Then I thought…. I should make a book. I should make a book full of all these things. A page for each expectation. For each feeling of worthlessness and for each label of who I am and ought to be. Take each one and really look at it and decide whether or not it’s who I am. Determine who gave it to me or where I picked it up for myself. Make my little book and then l lock the sucker away. Kill two birds with one stone. Why not? I can’t seem to do anything else…