Taking a Hiatus…

I am still going to blog… because this I KNOW I enjoy and love to do. The point of this blog anyways is my documenting this struggle… But I’ve decided to take a hiatus from all things influential for a little bit. I’m too far lost and while struggling to find out who I am and what I want, reading other people’s blogs, watching reality (or close enough to it) TV shows and looking at the work of other artists, to name a few things, isn’t helping. I need to take some serious quality time with myself and my head. I need to avoid all things that press expectations onto me. I need to avoid conversations about my life and situation with people in my family for a little while. People who expect certain things of me… people who put pressure on me to be a certain person.

I need to take time to go through my life and take inventory. What to keep… what to throw away. What is me, what is not… what is it I want to be. In my opinion my list is great. I broke my life down into 10 categories: Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, Creative, Social, Family, Financial, Career, Misc and Relationship. I’ve just never really sat down and looked at each area individually, in depth… I’ve never taken a look at what works and what doesn’t. What are the things I really want and what are the things I think I want but really don’t. I need to focus on the now and not the future. Because without that intense look at the now, the future is more uncertain than ever.

So, sadly, I will not be visiting your blogs for a little bit… I will not be visiting other etsy stores, other deviant artists… etc. I haven’t determined exactly how far to cut myself off from the “world” but I think this is a good start. When another artist looks at someone else’s work… they might get inspired, and run off to do their own thing. But me, I think I get inspired, and run off to do “my own thing” only to feel like it’s not any good because it’s nothing like what they did. The good thing is that I’m creative again and enjoying it. So instead of sabatoging it by beating myself down for not fitting in molds I don’t need to… I’m going to cut it all off and just let my art evolve and grow in it’s own direction. I’m going to let my writing grow… I’m going to let myself grow. So I’ll still be posting here and on the side blog… my deviant page and my etsy store. But I’m (sigh) not going to be visiting anyone else’s for a little while… undetermined.