Beautiful Monday

Today is gorgeous already outside. And it’s Monday, a fresh new week!

Over the weekend M and I worked on some freelance… I cleaned quite a bit, drew (see my side blog) and ran errands. I never made it to church on Saturday. I honestly forgot and when A texted me at like 4, I told her I wasn’t going to make it to meet AR or her. She was mad. She told me that she’s never asking me to do anything again because I always bail. Surprisingly, I didn’t get upset by this. I told myself that a) I hardly know them and she has no right to pressure me into being superfriend, b) I have a life and my life right now is maybe a bit to disorderly to manage new friendships and make commitments and c) she talks nonstop about an ex anyways. So I brushed it off with a whatever and didn’t text her back. I wasn’t 100% feeling that friendship anyways, she’s very needy and a young mindset for me.

Friday I had a mini freak out when a can of tuna fell four feet from the stuffed, tiny pantry and smashed into my foot. I blew up because I had been trying to clean and there’s so much $#!& everywhere… I was mad because I felt like a lump who hadn’t been working out or eating very well… I wasn’t getting anything done… I thought to myself, where the hell is the reset button!? And then I realized something… there is no where in my life that I would want to reset to. Not childhood because I had no freedom (a theme of my life), not my teen years because (even though my “happy place” was during those times) they were pretty rough. Not any time in which I was with the ex because, well, that sucked. So here I am… I realized that I need to make my life what I want now. And I have all the freedom in the world to do so, because the future is unwritten and the past is behind me. My mind set’s been great since then.

Sunday I drew… with M home. Now, M is great, has never put me down, etc., but I have some fear of drawing in front of him. I realized this weekend (I know, I “realize” a lot), that I try to hard to fit into what I think is good and good is based off of other artists I like. I’ve been on DeviantArt a lot and that makes it hard for me to draw, because I think my style sucks compared to them. Well I drew a cartoon Saturday evening and felt the same way, but with this new “I control my destiny” mindset, I showed it to M. He tells me “it’s awesome!” He loves my cartoon characters! I should make a little comic. Stunned… I just said thanks. M is “brass tacks” and would never tell anyone he liked something if he didn’t… so this felt great. And I REALIZED, lol, that I have my own style and people might just like it like I like theirs. So I drew again on Sunday… with M there. And he loved those too. I was also surfing the web and digging around Danny Gregory’s site (who I love) and M goes, “You should make a site like that.” Funny. I’m working on it.

I also have more ideas for projects and my etsy store. My sister’s birthday is tomorrow and I running crazy late but think I’ll make her something… since I’m broke. Haven’t heard from the job yet… dum dum DUM. So fingers still crossed!!!