So I was surfing the web a little… to avoid working. Because I’m working on a logo, and I don’t like logos sadly. So I put them off as long as possible… Recently I came across Tommy Kane’s website, blog and illustration site. I’m very intrigued by him and googled his name. I found this interview and really enjoyed it. He touches on a subject that I’m currently struggling with. Here’s the parts I like:
Talk to me about the drawing you can’t seem to get right,
self-doubt, and other frustrations of trying to create art.
This question touches on the nemesis of my life. I’m a little emotional just answering this question. Something happened to me to fill my life with nothing but self-doubt. About 15 years ago, I ever so slowly started to have panic attacks. I began to have trouble being in meetings at work. I stopped going to parties. I fluffed them off as just being an isolated incident here and there, but they grew stronger and more frequent. I got call waiting at home. I was always checking who was calling, but I never answered the phone. I panicked on trains, in restaurants, on the street. It then began to happen every day, eventually dominating my life. This all took years to happen. Soon no one was calling. For five years, I never left my apartment except to go to work from Monday to Friday. While locked in my own hell, I began to paint. Before that, I only drew. My painting skills grew while I was in this terrible isolation. It’s the only thing that helped me keep my sanity. The attacks became so severe that there were times I couldn’t enter the building I worked in. Sometimes it took me hours to get up the courage to make it to my office. It was a scary time. So back to your question, self-doubt was my constant companion. No one really saw my artwork. Only me. I didn’t think any of it was any good at all. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it but I felt compared with other artists, I was terrible. I had self-doubt every time I picked up a pen or brush. I eventually got help, and haven’t had any attacks in many years now. I even got married recently. Getting all my work together to publish my own website has been a major step in my overcoming all the self-doubt with which I had lived. The great feedback I’ve received has been the best medicine of all.
How do you work through that?
I just had to keep going. Deep, deep down below the self-doubt, there was a voice that said “but maybe you really are good.” My wife said I had a fear of success. Now when I draw or paint, I feel like I have great skills. For example, when I do my moleskine drawings, I don’t use a pencil to sketch anything out first. I just whip out a pen and start drawing. My drawings are always a series of mistakes that I am trying to correct. In the end, it always looks like I wanted it to turn out that way, but the mental process is a bit rough. Working that way has given me great confidence. Now I feel like Superman.
Could you share 3 pieces of advice to other artists?
1. Draw. Because of the computer, it is becoming a lost art. Drawing everyday is a great exercise — it’s like going to the gym. Also you don’t really have to be very good to do it. It’s about the art of seeing things. We all loved to draw as little kids, but then somewhere along the way, we told ourselves to stop doing this fun activity.
2.Check out all the great websites online that showcase artists: Illustration Mundo, Art Dorks, Drawn, Wooster Collective, Juxtapoz, Slap-press.com. These sites update every single day letting you discover the best artists in the world.
3. Marry someone extremely wealthy.
Visit Litpark.com to read the entire interview.
It’s pretty interesting. Definitely check out his sites, they’re inspiring. And hearing from “top artists” that they feel or at one point felt, what I feel now is definitely helpful. I’m sure it’s something every artist must go through. I like how he mentions putting his work on a site was a big step. It’s exactly what I was planning to do. I’m even more excited!
I also left a comment on my friend’s blog about the post she left yesterday. I told her I loved the post, I was going through the same thing and asked if she had any tips. She replied with this:
Hey sweetheart, I can’t really tell you how, I haven’t really broken this part of myself. It is so hard. However the older I get the more I stop caring. I have been trying to spend a little bit more time with myself. Get to know who I really am. I did do this thing where I wrote down all the things I was. It was a long list of some negative some positive. I then burned it. I wrote a new list… of all of the positive things about me… and this became my new self perception. I read it every morning and every night to remind me of the good things about me. It sounds silly but it really did help! I hope this is helpful for you and it was good to hear from you! GOOD LUCK!!
It made me think of Dharma and Greg, the show, yes I love it. I’m proud of it! But anyways, it made me think of the one episode where they’re digging around in Dharma’s parent’s yard and Greg finds a little tin lunch pail. It’s empty… Dharma makes him shut it quickly… it’s where her and her mom buried her fear of the dark. As corny as that sounds, I can see how it helps a person put it behind them. Maybe I’ll write a list of all my insecurities, self doubts, expectations, etc. and burn it… put it in a little urn… set it free in the wind. Or just fold it up tightly, wrap it up and tie it in string. There sits all my old insecurities… and make a list of the new self perceptions. And this little exercise will mark the start of the new me. The confident me, the expectations that I want, the new me.
